1.13.15 Wake up and Live

As this new year 2015 begins I have been reflecting on where I have been, and where I am going in my grief journey. Peter passed 2 years ago on December 30, 2012. It seems like forever ago that he has been gone, and yet it seems like just yesterday he was here. Time is warped in grief. The first year without Peter was a time of deep sorrow, intense sadness, and so many tears.  I just needed to get through one day at a time…and survive.

My second year was actually harder than the first in many ways. The heartbreaking realities of my life were coming into focus; Peter was not coming back to us, my kids would be without their Dad, and our families would be without Peter. I also had a new identity now, as a single person; with all the loneliness and responsibilities that accompany it. I had to began to learn how to live alone, after living with the love of my life for 33 years…a daunting and painful task.  I struggled with my new identity, and I am still discovering who I am without my husband.  I asked myself life defining questions like; What is most important to me? What gives meaning to my life? How do I want to live the next 30 years? What is my purpose now? What relationships are most important to me?  It will be an ongoing process of self discovery to find answers to these questions.

As I begin this third year, I realize its up to me to begin the process of rebuilding my life. I am beginning to have the strength and courage that it will take to embrace new things; ideas, friends, relationships, dreams, passions, challenges, travel, and activities. With my cautious personality, I can easily let fear creep in and stop me from growing….keeping me in the safe and comfortable zone. But is that the full life that God has for me?  Peter was a  balance and compliment to my “cautious Katie nature”.  He loved adventure, spontaneity, newness, people, risk… and lots of coffee. I was reminded of this when I looked at this photo of Peter. It was taken at his favorite coffee shop in Sun Valley.  The sign next to him reads “Wake up and Live”, its as if he is giving me direction for my life now. He would want me to live a fully caffeinated life, to “wake up and live” my life to its full potential.  He would want me to embrace all the plans that God has for me. Thank you Peter for your encouragement even now. I promise I will try to be brave like you.
“For I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future.”           Jeremiah 29:11

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10 Responses to 1.13.15 Wake up and Live

  1. jody snyder says:

    Drea
    Thank you for your strong, encouraging and faithful words for all of us. Wake up ad live! you are a remarkable woman who leans heavily on our hope in The Lord. May we all take your words to heart and find a purpose this year. I’m reading a book in my small group called Desiring God, it is a fascinating read, all about our purpose is to bring to God!
    Love you
    Jody

  2. Mike Petersen says:

    Thank you Andrea. You’re journey, obviously painful, is a strong inspiration to us and a huge reminder to pray often for you.

  3. Doug DeCinces says:

    Andrea,
    You are a amazing person that has been blessed with strength and love. I think the picture says a lot and it is time for your slumber to end. Nothing will ever remove all the great and tough memories, but you can be whatever you wish to be on your own time and direction. I know Peter would want that for you! Always here to help or listen. Doug

  4. Jenny says:

    Love you Drea.
    This is a process – thank you for walking through it so publicly with us – showing us the way – a way – to move from day to day. Peter would want us all to move forward with Joy and excitement for the life ahead, as hard as it is without him…
    See you soon! Jen

  5. Linda Summers says:

    Andrea, my “wimpy” sister. I can’t call you that anymore you are stronger than any of us. To go through what you did the last few year of Peter’s life, and what you have done with your life since he left this earth is nothing more than amazing and shows the strength and dedication you have to your family and God. I know it will never be easy for you and I am so proud of you and you are such an inspiration to me and so many others. Love you Linda

  6. Joyce Devin says:

    Dear Drea,
    I, too, go back to this blog and reread the notes and letters about Peter and the family. It is new every morning, remembering the times, people, emotions and acts of life we were all involved in and responding to. You have done us all a great service saving these memories for us. Peter is not to be forgotten, nor his impact on our lives. It’s hard to turn the page, but hooray for you and the work you have done to move forward. I know God has a meaningful and very special plan for your future. I’ll await with you to see what comes.
    So, walk on and keep doing the great job at the bookstore. That’s been so helpful to many. I love you.

  7. Luci says:

    Andrea, you are an amazing person. I’ve always been inspired by the way you take time to look at what you’ve been through and where you want to go. God has walked with you through the valley guiding each step with strength and courage. I know he will continue as you reach the other side and head up that mountain, giving you even more courage to rebuild and live the life he has planned for you. Love you lots.

  8. Dale Sprowl says:

    Andrea,
    Thank you for the beauty you share in your process of living anew without Peter. Like you, he inspired us all. You have risen to the enormous task of carrying on, loving those who love you, and finding your way in the world. I love the Jeremiah verse and how it echoes Proverbs 31, how you, the woman of God smile at the future even through your tears. He will hold you by His righteous right hand and we will be on the path with you! Much love,
    Dale

  9. Mary says:

    Andrea,
    You are such an inspiration, I read what you write and I am amazed and wonder if I could be as strong and look at things the way you do. The growth I have seen from you in the past 2 years during this daunting task is unmeasurable. Peter would be so proud of the way you inspire people and I know he is there every step guiding you to make your journey easier, and we are all here too. Hugs M

  10. Ryan says:

    Mom,
    what a great post. I agree that Dad was all about living and living well. We are all so proud of how you have grown and how you have determined to live well. Love you so much.
    Ry

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